Confidence is everything and plays an active role in our daily lives. It can make you anxious if you lack it or bring you glory if you carry yourself well. It doesn’t matter if you’re a starving student, a Hollywood actress, surgeon or MLB team trying to get into the playoffs, if you don’t have confidence, it can harm you. Motivational speaker, author, TV personality and body language expert Tonya Reiman joined me this week to dish her favorite confidence boosting secrets and share simple tips on how you can obtain confidence in your own daily life.
Candace Rose: As a motivational speaker and body language expert, what are some of your favorite confidence boosting secrets?
Tonya Reiman: “One of the best secrets that I don’t think people realize is things really are mind over matter. If I take the time each and every day to do the little things that are going to make me feel better about myself, overall I’m actually going to feel better about myself.
It’s important to do these things each and every day because we like to follow patterns and habits. I say, first thing in the morning get up, you shower, you do your regular thing. Right after that you put lotion on, maybe you use Jergens Moisture. You want to make sure that you feel that because you’ll notice the visible smoothness of your skin. After you do that, you get dressed, you wear something that makes a strong statement about who you are that day, and then you head out and conquer the world. What do I mean by that? You hold eye contact with people, you smile with people, you engage with people even if it has to take you out of your comfort zone. These are the things that are going to make you appear charismatic, confident and dominant.”
Candace Rose: How important is skincare?
Tonya Reiman: “Skincare is super important for several reasons- most importantly because it reflects how we feel about ourselves. If I don’t have the right nourishment on my skin and then I go to shake hands, I’m going to be aware of that and it’s going to make me less likely to want to shake hands with someone. As opposed to saying ‘Wow, my skin feels good, I feel good, therefore I can shake hands with confidence.”
Candace Rose: Is there anything else that we should be doing to gain more confidence?
Tonya Reiman: “It really depends upon the interaction that you’re having, but once you become self aware of what you’re doing, and once you know the signals that you’re sending out, then you want to be able to read the signals that people are feeding back to you.
I know that I’ve come across as strong, as dominant, as confident. I’ve held eye contact, I’ve made somebody feel special by nodding, smiling, giving them all the cues that they need in order to boost their self confidence. And now at this point I want to hear what they say to me nonverbally. What does that mean? Are they open to me? Do they have open body language? Are they smiling back at me? Are they nodding their head as well? Are they keeping their body oriented towards me? Because that’s one of the biggest cues. If I’m talking to someone and I don’t really want to be talking to them you’ll notice that I might start to shift my body a little bit away, and that’s a strong indicator that I’m done with the conversation. The funny thing is most people aren’t aware of what’s going on in their surroundings. If you’re in that situation and you find that somebody’s either coming to close to you or is starting to turn away from you, that’s an indication that there’s some discomfort there.”
Candace Rose: Do you have any additional tips or information you’d like to share with us?
Tonya Reiman: “Well, I think one of the most important things that people need to do first and foremost is become self aware. Make sure that they’re monitoring themselves every few minutes making sure that they know exactly what their body is sending out, and then once they have that down, going out and building rapport with everyone they can.”